How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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