I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
