I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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