I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
