Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize