Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
