I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
