a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
