I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
