Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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