Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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