just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
