From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize