She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
