32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
