smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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