Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize