No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
