I hate your face
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
