Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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