Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sarcasm needs its own font
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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