Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
