if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
