whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
