I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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