After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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