no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
