you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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