woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
