after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
