FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
