Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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