he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
