Non-Jews are for practice
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
