I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
