90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
