Swine flu. Run for my life!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
