I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
