I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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