Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
