She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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