The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
