I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Found your dick twin last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
