Sponge bath it is.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
