We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
