I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
