Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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