You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
