Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
