I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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