i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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