someone get that fucking seahorse.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
