I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
