I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just pee around me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
