What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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