please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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