found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
