please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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