You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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