my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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