she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
