She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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