Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
